Everything Awesome

...or is he just professionally skinny? And by skinny, I mean less fat. I was watching television today when I was attacked with another excruciating Subway ad featuring everybody's buddy, Jared. It occurred to me that this might be Jared's occupation: talking about being fat even though he isn't fat anymore.

I mean, he could have some kind of office job, but can you imagine working with Jared? You could never go out to lunch. Well, you could, but it'd always be at Subway...and you can only stomach an Italian BMT so many times. (If Jared lost weight eating BMTs [Biggest, Meatiest, Tastiest], then that would be amazing.)

Never satisfied by an unanswered question, I hit the Internet. Looks like Jared's a professional ex-fatty. He tours the country scaring youngsters into pounding down yummy turkey sandwiches. The guy's got his own foundation, The Jared Foundation. He looks so happy helping the children.

Okay, so he doesn't actually work, but is he still a sandwich junkie? Subway.com puts us at ease: "Today, Jared still enjoys his favorite SUBWAY® sandwich, but has eased himself into eating other foods." That's Subway's way of saying he's trying to break his crippling addiction. One more footlong Veggie Delight without mayo or cheese is all it'd take.

I really couldn't find any personal details about this Jared fella except that he went to college (that's where he started his diet). But we do have one bit of dirt...he's Jewish!

Jewish Jared led me to discover an interesting Subway tidbit. Fat, sandwich-loving Jews in Ohio are mighty happy indeed. The Mandel Jewish Community Center in Beachwood, OH (suburb of Cleveland) opened the first ever kosher Subway restaurant. Naturally, Jared was there for the ribbon-cutting.

In keeping with kosher dietary laws, the menu at the SUBWAY® restaurant will feature meat and pareve; no dairy items will be served. Pareve are foods such as fruits, vegetables, fish, eggs and bread that are prepared without meat, milk or their derivatives, and are permissible to be eaten with both meat and dairy dishes.

With slight modifications, such as no pork-based products such as bacon or ham, and the use of soy-based cheese, the menu is virtually identical to that of any other SUBWAY® restaurant.

For more on the Jewish Subway, mosey on over to the article at PR.com.

I'm sorry that I haven't reached a suitable conclusion as to Jared's current and previous occupational status. Oh well. Jared is not just an awkward spokesman for Subway, he's an enigma whose outrageous loss of 245 pounds might just be the beginning of some enormous, dastardly plan. Nah! I mean...it's Jared.

Welcome Back

Hello, fan base and group of curious web-nomads. It's been quite a long time since I've written anything for this wonderful electronic log of my thoughts. Well, I'm back. Despite an attempt to revive my blogging skills on the almighty Facebook that met with critical indifference, I have not given up. My summer is lengthy and has already begun (for those who still don't know...my schooling scenario is a little whack, and my summer break started two weeks ago). To combat rising boredom (Not True: I can always find something to entertain me), I decided to make use of my legions of devoted followers to once again share news and trivia in a way that's most entertaining.

So, please enjoy the revival of Everything Awesome, and your feedback (both good and ecstatic) is always welcomed.

Thank y'all.

Best Optical Illusion Ever

I'm not even kidding. This is the coolest thing ever. The image and text come directly from the "Mighty Optical Illusions" blog.

"To my knowledge, John Sadowski is the original creator of this type of illusions. This is how it works: just stare at the dot for 30 seconds. This is animated gif file, that keeps repeating infinately. After about 20 seconds, grey scaled image of spanish castle will appear, but as your eyes adapt to the inverted image you were seeing first, you will see black&white image change to COLOR! Amazing! For original, full sized illusion, visit John's website. There is also a movie clip available. If you would like to make your own Color Illusion, you should read this tutorial. If you make one, be sure to post link in comments! Previously we posted simmilar illusion. Check it here."

Let's Talk Pheromones

How good are your pheromones? I'm under the impression that mine suck, but in this blog entry, I'd like to explore the magical world of pheromones: "naturally occurring substances the fertile body excretes externally, conveying an airborne message to trigger a response from the opposite sex of the same species." If you've got the goods, you'll find that the lady types flock to you. I wouldn't suppose that females need to worry about their pheromones because men will howl for them no matter what, but for us guys, it's a little different. Some are blessed with wonderful secretions while others struggle.

It's a good thing that there are concerned people out there that put time into making and marketing good pheromones. According to the quality website, Human Pheromone Reviews, the "most effective" human pheromone is UltrAllure Pheromones. Thank goodness, UltrAllure. Not only is your brand name awesome, but you will make me attractive. Visit the UltrAllure website for information: www.ultrallure.com.

Here's the catch, though. You should only use UltrAllure if you answer yes to the following questions:

Do you want to be noticed and desired by women?
Do you want to get more dates?
Do you want to improve your sex life?
Do you want to have all the confidence to get who you want
and when you want them?

Tyler G. from London, England writes:

I’ve never been the best looking guy, so I’ve always relied on other things to help me with girls, personality, clothes, etc. Now I’ve added ultrAllure to my arsenal, and I’m scoring more than I ever did before!

Yeah, Tyler. Screw personality and clothes! You don't need anything to attract women. You could be a scuzzy jerk-off bum on the street with no morals to speak of, and women will throw themselves at you with the use of UltrAllure. That's how powerful the product is.

Poor lesbians, though. There pheromones are entirely different from those of heterosexual women, heterosexual men, and homosexual men. This is according to medicalnewstoday.com. I wonder if UltrAllure works with them. Oh well. It's not really a problem to applies too directly to me.

Well I'm off to get my pheromones. A bottle of UltrAllure is only $50 unless I go for the 6-bottle package that only costs $210. Okay, guys. Go get your pheromones and we'll go out and attract the ladies together sometime.

Until next time, stay sexy.

Regrettable Edibles

I just discovered this site by Big Idea (makers of VeggieTales) alum, Bryan Ballinger. It's a showcase of his collection of bizzare packaged foods. Some of them are just plain ridiculous.

My favorites:
Cuitlacoche
Pork Brains
One Whole Chicken in a can
Prairie Belt Sausage

See the rest at KookyChow.com

High School Musical...It will never go away.

In checking my facts for my last post, I stumbled across some very unfortunate information. The High School Musical soundtrack has apparently had record-breaking sales and is a certified-platinum CD that returned to the No.1 position on the Billboard Top 200 chart a few weeks ago. Add to that the fact that this movie is the first full-length movie to be available on iTunes. Also, the guaranteed best-selling DVD is coming out late next month.

Okay, fine. People like this stupid movie, and Disney's profitting from it. Congratulations. But you can take things too far. We're looking at Disney squeezing every last penny out of this High School Musical phenomenon. They're turning the movie into a freaking touring live stage show! Filming the show from venue to venue, a concert version of the movie will appear on the Disney channel later this year accompanied by a CD recording of the concert version of the songs. Then, Disney plans to release a DVD version of the stage show that includes footage not shown on the Disney channel (putting pressure on the kids to buy the DVD).

So let's take a close look at the situation: these little kids will have seen the movie a million times on TV and they bought the soundtrack to listen to the songs. Then they pressure mom and dad into buying the DVD next month so they can watch the movie a million more times. By now, they've seen the movie 2 million times and likely know the story inside and out. Cue the tour. Now what started as a movie that the kid enjoyed has turned into the purchase of show tickets and another DVD and CD!

If that doesn't make you sick, I should mention that you can expect two sequels to High School Musical.

Meet The Robinsons

I'm back from a time of not posting anything, but I've got something cool for y'all. Disney's newest solo animation effort has a trailer out. Meet The Robinsons is the title of next year's CG movie about a boy-genius who invents a machine to recover lost memories of the past. The machine ends up taking the boy into the future where he lives with a family whose survival depends on the boy's brains.

What's interesting about the movie is that early last month, Disney sent a copy of Meet the Robinsons to the folks at Pixar in Emeryville, CA to try to rework some story points. Apparently, the story kind of falls apart at the start of the second act, so the Disney people were hoping that people at Pixar who have crafted brilliant animated stories in the past eleven years could give suggestions for the movie in trouble. For more information on the topic, take a peak at this article.

To view the teaser for Meet the Robinsons, click on the image above. I actually think the movie has potential. The animation style seems very similar to that of Chicken Little, and the characters seem pretty appealing. We'll just have to wait, though. Earlier last month, Disney moved the film's release date from December 15, 2006 to March 30, 2007.

Naked People

PETE PANSE is a talented and popular high school art teacher in Middletown, NY who uses traditional techniques to to train his students. In December 2005 Mr. Panse was suspended from his job for recommending that some of his advanced students consider taking figure drawing courses that included nude figure drawings.

-Art Renewal Center

Wow. That's ridiculous. You can grab more information at this link. Drawing your first naked person is one of those magical moments in the life of an artist. It's like getting a driver's license, buying a house, or eating a sirloin steak. Why, I remember my first drawing of a naked person. What an unforgettable day it was when Jerry let go of his towel and let it tumble to the platform. That was fun.

My special moment aside, I'm gonna say that the art teacher is in no place to get suspended. If he asked one of his students to undress and model nude for the class, then I could see him facing some pretty harsh punishment. But he was just trying to help his students mature as artists.

Take this little bit of information with it, too:

...the ninth grade art history survey course includes dozens of images of nudes. Mr. Panse's students had completed that unit previously, and are now upperclassmen.

Where was the school board and upset parents during this course? Well, take from it what you will, but I'm gonna guess that this New York high school is a little on the looney side.

Animation Trailers

Okay, everyone. It's time to get excited about cartoons. I've got links to some animated movie trailers...some of which you may not have known about. It's looking like 2006 is going to be packed with animation, and some of it actually looks pretty good. In the order of expected release...

The Wild - April 14 (Disney)